Be your own best friend

There are times we can feel a little broken and can be incredibly hard on ourselves. Sometimes we feel we aren’t good enough or can’t seem to do anything right and we spiral thinking we are alone in this feeling. Everyone else seems so together right? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get myself together?

There is a concept that some of us know but don’t apply enough and the truth is it can be incredibly effective. That is, be your own best friend. But how do we do this when we feel low. How can we love ourselves just like we love our besties?

You said what?

How are you speaking to yourself? Would you say these things to your best mate? I’m certain some of your self talk i.e I’m not worthy, I’m too fat/skinny or I am not good enough, would not fly if you were saying it to your best friend. Think kindness, non judgement, and be loving in the way you speak to yourself. Tell yourself ‘it’s going to be okay’, ‘I’m here for you’ and ‘you’re not alone’. No more hate talk. You wouldn’t say it to someone else so don’t put yourself down.

Self care baby!

What would you do if you were with your best friend? What makes you feel good? Self care is all about doing things just for you. And no, it’s not selfish! Take yourself for brunch, have a bath, go to that movie, get a massage, walk the beach, go to the gym, cook a healthy meal. Do anything you know is good for your body, mind and soul. It is a sure guarantee to lift your mood and a much better alternative to sitting home stewing over how much you feel like you are failing.

What’s my good qualities?

Now this can be a hard one but try and acknowledge your good qualities. What would your best friend say about you. Try saying it to yourself. List five, maybe, ‘I’m caring, intuitive, determined, funny and resilient’. It’s also important to realise sometimes what we see as our bad qualities can actually be our best. Okay maybe you feel you’re too shy, too reactive, too sensitive but try and reframe these positively. Perhaps you are instead independent, passionate and empathetic. Feeling fat? Hey, curves are sexy. Talk to your body and acknowledge what an amazing vessel it actually is!

Being your own best friend can be one of the best skills you can learn. At the end of the day we are all living with ourselves and our own thoughts about who we are. Wouldn’t it be cool to just love hanging out with yourself, completely content knowing you were never alone, as long as you had your fabulous self to rely on.

Be you’re own best friend and you will shine.


What’s Hot about being single

Single? Taken? Who cares…you’re awesome!

So you’ve just gone through a break up and newly single, or you have been experiencing singledom for a while. You wonder if you’ll ever meet ‘the one’ or if you’re completely undateable. You may have given up and watched your hopeless romanticism turn into plain old depression. For some reason, your life seems unfinished. You feel there’s a hole, a gap, and you’re left wondering how the hell you are going to fill it!

Good news is flying solo doesn’t have to equal unhappiness. In fact, being single can be one of the happiest time’s in your life. But how?

Your time is your own

Two’s a crowd when you want to do your own thing. Remember all those things you wanted to do when you were in a relationship but your partner was always a bubble burster, saying “no way”, so you’d miss out. Being “happily single” can mean you can do whatever you want, when you want and no one can get on your case about it. Now is your time to do all the things you may have neglected whilst you were in a relationship. Book that trip, run that marathon, hell go to Everest, because you can!

Lose yourself to passions

One thing you will realise if you’re newly single is that all of a sudden you have so much more time. No longer are you attending dreaded events or doing someone else’s washing on the weekends. This is the perfect opportunity for you to explore what you love, to find your flow.  Sometimes we get lost in relationships and we stop doing the things we love and we neglect our interests and hobbies, the very things that make us unique and happy. This is your time to reignite your passions and fill your life with all that you love. Take a class in Tai Chi, learn how to cook, walk the beach, buy a pet. Learn to embrace precious moments alone.

Friendships are forever

When you are single you have more time to connect with the people you love and even create new amazing friendships. Cherish your friendships and be open to meeting new people. They will pick you up when you have those lonely times and fill your cup full of laughter, joy and new experiences. Human connection is a human necessity so rally your tribe!

Focus on your health

You will have more time for self nourishment. No longer do you come home from work arguing over what Netflix series to watch, eating their favourite pizza and life just feeling vanilla. You can now focus your energy on looking after yourself. Cooking for one (yes, there are cost benefits too) and taking that time to go to the gym, yoga or hiking. Why not get hot! Just for you.

Fall in love with you

Still wanting a relationship? The most important thing to finding healthy love is being in love with yourself first. Beauty comes from the inside out. It’s time to be your own best friend (self love people!) and you will find everything else will follow. You may have been giving so much love to others that you have forgotten to give love to yourself. Use your time to self care, self nourish and build on your self worth however that may be.

When you meet ‘the one’

If you do find the ‘right’ person, and you’ve established yourself and your life, you won’t have to give any of this up. You won’t want to, because all of this becomes an inherent part of who you are.

Independence can be a beautiful thing, so if you’re single out there remember, you don’t need to be rescued from your life because your life is pretty awesome as it is.

I encourage you to comment if you liked this post or would like to share your experiences. I’d love to hear from you.

What’s Hot and What’s Not on the first date.

One last check in the mirror, you grab your wallet and your keys and you dash out the door, all while thinking “Why am I doing this again?”.

You have agreed to meet him or her for the first time. You may have met online or have been set up by friends who have sworn “you’ll be perfect for each other!” Either way, you now find yourself minutes away from the dreaded ‘first date’ experience.

The first hello

Butterflies are churning as you walk to the bar, café or restaurant. You have already decided you want to arrive early so you can casually sit and pretend to scroll Facebook whilst you scope out everyone that walks past, heart pounding.

Then, within an instant there they are. At that very moment you seem to either accept or reject what you see. What the hell is she wearing? Where are his teeth? Great! She’s covered in make up. Damn! He’s shorter than me.

Mind games begin as you approach each other. How will you greet? Do you handshake, just say hi or give a quick side bro hug?

Just one drink, thanks 

You will mostly know in an instant if there is an attraction. Is he a dud at first sight? Does she scare you? Oh no! How long do you have to stay?

The first date blanket rule is one hour. Each of you has made an effort to meet and any less will be seen as rude. Ok, he may be missing teeth, she may be drunk, he may be super short greeting you with the grinding “How is ya love!” but research suggests that one hour is the minimum time you should spend together.

However, if they are narcissistic, mean, rude, cruel or self centred then please, leave at will. But otherwise staying for the date may surprise you, as you may find out more about them in the hour that makes you sway the other way.

The small talk

So begins the interview process. You either take the lead or cannot seem to get a word in. Where do you live? Do you have kids? And most importantly, do you have a job? In a perfect scenario the conversation flows, you feel instantly at ease, you laugh, connect and learn about each other.

Or, conversation is like pulling teeth. You have nothing in common. You receive one word answers and there are awkward silences, as you arduously continue to stir sugar in your coffee trying to sweeten the date.

A side of personality please

Not all can be determined by looks and conversation. It’s time to observe. How do they interact with the waiting staff? Are they warm or arrogant? How engaging are they? Are their arms crossed and never look you in the eye? Why don’t they smile?

You hope for someone kind, intelligent, thoughtful, funny, grounded but instead you may be meeting with someone who keeps “Some rules for killing people” as top pick on their bookshelf (true story!).

When to run

Listen to the red flags.

You’re mid conversation and they have fallen off their chair, intoxicated, stoned or other. They may sit playing on their phone whilst bagging their ex and furious how they are due in court next week. None of their stories add up, you feel they may still live with their partner and you can’t make sense of their life. Or, they live in a back shed, have no job and they’re a self proclaimed horticulturist, growing weed for a living. They may insult you, calling you obese or too thin or at the end of the date they don’t offer to pay, only to dash and leave you with the bill.

All of these should send alarm bells! You have to remind yourself not to lower your standards and trust in the process of meeting the right person.

When to stay

You will just know. Time passes by and you chat for hours. They make you feel comfortable and are respectful. They may not be Chris Hemsworth or Margot Robbie but they are engaging, thoughtful, with a little bit of your type of sexy. They won’t ask to sleep with you but cherish the getting to know you process. They will align with you and your values.

And just hopefully it will be your last first date and you live happily ever after.

But, maybe not and you’ll be doing the same thing all over again next week.


I encourage you to comment if you liked this post or would like to share your experiences. I’d love to hear from you.

What’s Hot and What’s Not on an online dating profile

Want more success in this baffling world of online dating?

Online dating can be dating on steroids. There are literally thousands of singletons shopping online for a prospective partner, swiping from left to right trying to find their perfect match. You may have experienced online dating and given into the online dating game, or you may have simply decided “Hell no! I’ll just buy another cat”.

For those lucky ones who have met your loves online, congratulations! Yes, it does happen. But for others bravely surrendering to the online meet and greet, you may have found yourself couch bound, wearing your onesie, endlessly trawling through profiles and messages, only to have people go MIA with a single date never coming into fruition.

After hearing countless stories of people who have experienced this online paradox, it’s clear that it is not an easy process to meet your guy or gal. It’s a continual interview process; you can feel like a frustrated used car salesman constantly delivering the same repetitive, ‘buy me now’ sales pitch, not realising you might be pitching to a lemon.

Let’s take a look at what’s hot and what’s not when creating a perfect online profile.

Main profile pic

We can be fickle creatures, but reality is, appearance counts. Your main profile pic is perhaps the most important thing on your profile. It can mean the difference between an instant yes or no. Make sure your main pic is just of you, highlighting your best features (preferably clothed and with your head in the shot!). Show your eyes, smile, and an expression. That’s a no to mug shots; on-liners want to know you haven’t just strolled straight out of prison.

Pic’s with the opposite sex

Is that a picture of you with your sister, your brother or your best friend? If you post a picture with your arm around someone of the opposite sex people will immediately think it’s your ex and that you haven’t moved on. It’s human instinct to think they may be competition, and we draw a comparison to ourselves. So, fella’s no images with your arms around the waist’s of those hot Grid girls and ladies skip that pic with the hottie you met at that drunken hens night. People are gonna swipe left.

Group photos

Some profiles only have people in a group setting. Yes, it’s great to see you have a social life, but which one are you? Are you the guy giving the bird at the festival or the girl with a serious pout with her hand on her hip? Dating apps are so saturated with thousands of profiles, people will not be bothered to ask which one you are.

Location, location, location

Where you take your photo counts. Are you in the bedroom? Make your bed. The bathroom? Don’t capture the toilet. In bed? Just no. Evidence suggests you are also narrowing your chances with selfies flexing at the gym, pulling a duck face, or gazing at the lense lustfully, shirtless, laying on your pillow. Successful location photo’s are of doing things you love; the beach, riding, surfing, camping or at a party (not wasted!). Make sure you show what makes you, you.


Do you have an impressive car, house or boat? Have you caught a whopping big fish? Fabulous, happy for you, but on your profile people want to see you, not your possessions.


Photo’s of children on your profile is a no-no! Keep your family safe. Write in your bio if you have kids but don’t post them on the Internet. There’s nothing funny about that.


Make your English teacher proud! Use punctuation. Know the difference between there, their and they’re. It sounds pedantic, and we are not all grammar Nazi’s but, it can mean the difference between whether you’re going to get a swipe or your profile is leaving you dateless.

Full body shot

Include a body pic as self conscious as you may be (again, clothed). Many profiles are full of selfie’s of people showcasing different angles of their face, and sometimes with the same expression. For those of you hesitant to post a body shot, remember that you may meet the person one day. Be proud and realistic of what you look like.

Your bio

People want to read a well-versed bio. This is a perfect opportunity for you to say who you are, your intentions and to sell yourself. After all, you’re a catch right?! A well-written profile can be the deciding factor for someone wanting to contact you. Try to make an effort, don’t simply write ‘just ask’, ‘it’s hard to talk about myself’ or ‘I’ll write this later’. Be honest with what you want. Do you want a relationship, a date or a fling? Clarifying this can save you time and attract the right person who is on the same page. Also, express who you are. Are you active, creative, social? But, don’t put anything too personal, especially not your phone number, this is asking for trouble. Wait till you connect and for that first date!

Snapchat filters

This one is mostly for the ladies. Sorry girls but research shows that guys want to see you for who you are, not animated as a dog or with stars or flowers around your head. They want to see you, the real you.

“Fish” pics

Last on the list, but by no means least important, it’s well known that online dating can cause a girl to receive a lot of “fish” picks. This is generally not what excites a lady, in fact it can cause an instant block. So guys keep some mystery and save it for the bedroom. And remember, it’s not the size that counts….

So, time to sign up or revamp that profile. It’s hard to stand out from the crowd. Be honest, be real, be you, and you’ll woo on the web and finally score that love at first sight.

Need help with your dating profile? Contact me and I’ll be your ultimate wing woman, we can work together and make your profile shine!

I encourage you to comment if you liked this post or would like to share your experiences. I’d love to hear from you.